you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
