those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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