There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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