he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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