my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
