normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize