I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
