just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
