i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
