some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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