Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
