I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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