The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
me + whiskey = a bad person
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
