he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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