i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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