You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
