If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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