You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize