there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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