I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
