Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
