As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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