all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
