Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
