she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Can I color on your dick again?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
