My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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