R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
