He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
