It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
