Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
