Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
