I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
