I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
