Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
