It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
