margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
