Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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