I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
