Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
