i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
