Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
