fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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