Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
