You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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