hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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