connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
