my phone needs a breathalizer
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
