If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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