Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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