I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
