What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
