he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize