Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
