dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
