come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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