if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
