youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
