just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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