p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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