You really coming over, don't trick.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize