I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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