So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
