You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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