im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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