im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
