Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
