I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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