She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
