can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
