hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize