It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
