I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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